Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Thanksgiving & All That Holiday Rot

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And so comes Thanksgiving, the day where we slaughter and eat the majestic bird that is the turkey in obscene quantities. I have little to say on the subject, being a vegetarian myself, so let me instead share this enlightening conversation I had with my workplace janitor about a week ago. Feel free to reenact this scene with a trusted friend or neighbor.

Me: (sitting at my desk, quietly reading)
Janitor: So, you read those Harry Potter books?
Me: Yes, I guess I do.
Janitor: Those book are LONG! Like a thousand pages or so, right?
Me: (flipping through book) Erm, this one is about 700 I think.
Janitor: Wow! That little dude must be pretty rich!
Me: (astounded) I suppose he must be...?
Janitor: There are 12 books now right?
Me: There are 6 out right now.
Janitor: But there will be 12?
Me: Seven. One for each year he is in school.
Janitor: (knowledgeably)He retains all the rights to those books, doesn't he?
Me: (confused)Who?
Janitor: Harry Potter!
Me: (slyly)Um, no I don't think so. I'm fairly certain he's a fictional wizard.
Janitor: (confidently)No, I'm pretty sure he wrote those books.
Me: (kindly)Well, it says on the cover here J.K. Rowling. If my memory serves me correctly, that's a woman.
Janitor: A woman wrote those books? Hmm. I don't know about that.
Me: (not wanting to sound like a know-it-all) I could be wrong, I guess.
Janitor: Doesn't matter. I'll never read them anyway. (walks away)

End Scene.

Happy Thanksgiving!

15 comments:

The CDP. said...

Oh, man. That is good stuff. I read it at least 5 times.

How many times have we seen something like this happen? Do you set him straight and come off like a jerk, probably hurting his feelings? Or do you play along and let the man make a fool of himself for eternity? I have to make this decision almost every day.

Where did he get his information? Who passed that along to him? So many questions.

Hathery said...

I also didn't want to come off like a total HP nerdlinger, so I opted to take the "I think..." route.

The CDP. said...

To be fair, you just said "HP," so your nerdlinger status has been confirmed.

Goblet of Fire rocked, though. I'll stand by you on that. Azkaban, too.

Hathery said...

You'll be standing by yourself on that one, sweetie :)

Sherry said...

This happens to me a lot too. It's sooooo awkward. I think you did the right thing Celia; just let it go...

Sherry said...

I always hate the whole idea of "Turkey Day". Everyone's trying to act all cute, they say, "Make sure you eat lots of turkey on Turkey Day!" Then I say rather bluntly that I'm a vegetarian, creating yet another awkward moment with the many aquaintances(sp?) I have at school.

aaron said...

Immediately after walking in the door-

Grandma: Did you come from Africa?

Me: Um...something like that.

Minutes later, regarding the lip ring-

Grandma: Aren't you worried it will get infected?

Me: Not so much. I'll be ok.

Grandma: Well it's just a clip-on, right?

Me: (tugging at the lip ring)

Grandma: oh...

Just before dinner-

Grandma: Are you going to be in a movie?

Me: I don't know, have you heard anything?

The randomness never ends around here.

Sherry said...

Is it for spaghetti?

The CDP. said...

Happy Thanksgiving. I feel your pain.

letseatpaste said...

Grandmas are the best. I love that movie line, that is perfect.

It's always best to go with the "I think" route unless it's necessary that they be set straight. Most of the time in situations like that they're just trying to find something to talk about and interact a bit. You should have gotten into a conversation about floor wax or vomit-cleaning sawdust, then he could talk to his buddies about how clueless the office people are.

aaron said...

I think my grandma brought up vomit-cleaning sawdust, actually.

letseatpaste said...

Everything comes full circle. Beautiful.

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