Thursday, September 30, 2004

Parting had never been so easy.

This is going to be my last post here. Apparently, I'm too wordy and serious for anyone to care. I don't care either then.

Moustaches are funny, and I can't be. I get it.

Sorry I wasted any of your time.

Friday, September 24, 2004

And there you have it.

My Grandpa K. passed away yesterday morning at 7:30 am. I guess the whole family was there with him and he looked up and smiled at everyone right before he died. The funeral is on Monday and the viewing is on Sunday. The viewing is going to be very emotional and I am sure that I will cry alot. I am not looking forward to it. I don't have to go back to work until Wednesday because, since I'm a rad county employee, I get 3 paid days for funeral leave. I guess it's cool, but it's not exactly the way I wanted to earn a vacation.

On a lighter note, I got this spam email today. Funniest...subject...ever...

Subject: So Many worthy causes so little time - help someone by making yourself able to give mullion dinghy miami roulette airfare typeset protean anton irrelevant remorseful smell cognizant eucalyptus advance discus bat almanac fraught thing bugle protect decade burglar tress wast symposium schneider afterlife glide

So I say to that, how could ANYONE find the time to contribute to so many worthy causes? Dinghies? Roulette? Airfare? Remorseful smells? My goodness it's hard to be alive these days.
Thought you all would enjoy that one.

Have a nice weekend.

Friday, September 17, 2004

Lighten up, Francis.

When I first saw this picture, it really made me mad.

This year, it seems as though protesters against the current president have gotten treated far more harshly than the upstanding citizens who support Bush. It's understandable, considering how all those people who don't support the current US situation must be unpatriotic terrorists who hate our freedom. Or maybe they might just be ordinary citizens who think that we're all being duped...who knows really? As we all likely know by now, I am not a "Bush Backer". In fact, you could go so far as to say that the Bush administration makes me want to vomit on my own shoes...it makes me full of rage...it makes me want to break the signs of Bush-Cheney supporters. But this is why I wouldn't:

The man in the center is a Bush-Cheney supporter at a Democratic protest. The people around him have broken his sign and are continuing to protest, while the man's daughter cries and holds the remains of the Bush-Cheney sign she held so proudly before.

Despite the fact that the gentleman in the photo and I would probably argue at every turn if we discussed politics, I cannot stand the look on his face. It fills we with shame, sadness, and also compassion every single time I try to look at his expression. He brought his daughter out to support Bush because he thinks that what he knows is right...the people around him think they know, too. Everybody thinks they know.

Those pictures show exactly what the problem is with our country. We have a political WAR going on right now that is causing people to turn on each other like angry children. In the country we live in, we should be able to have differing opinions without people EVER having to make that face. That man may be a businessman, and supporting Bush might be what's right for his family. Whether that's true or not, he and everyone else should still take a look at what the current administration is doing to its people. Negative campaigning, genuine dishonesty, and stubbornness are making people hate one another. It's making people unhappy. It's making people divided. It's making little girls cry about things they should never have to.

This is the sort of thing we can all do without. I guess my point is, if you want to share your political opinions, please do it respectfully. Breaking each other's signs and pulling hair is exactly what they're trying to get us to do...maybe we should all just take a step back, breathe deeply, and remember that we ARE better than that. I know we have all forgotten, but we used to have REAL pride-not the kind that we are being sold right now. Pride should always come with dignity, and it takes a lot more than an American flag on your lapel to accomplish that.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Tortuga?



Since I rarely have anything to say anymore, I just thought I'd take a moment to express my love for turtles and tortoises.

Top 10 reasons to love the shelled animals:
  1. They have a house they carry everywhere with them.
  2. They don't really have a "body", just a bunch of goop in a shell.
  3. They can retract into their shell when they're scared...that's really cute.
  4. Tortoises make a little scratching sound when they walk.
  5. Sea turtles have very small babies that cover beaches by the thousands when hatched.
  6. Alligator snapping turtles are living dinosaurs with a cool lure in their mouth.
  7. Tortoises walk so slooooooooow.
  8. Turtles look funny on land, but they swim very nicely when in the water.
  9. They don't really make any noise...just a weird grunt once in a while when eating.
  10. Tortoises don't have teeth so they just sort of gum their food and spit it out repeatedly.

There you have it...10 reasons to like turtles and tortoises. If that doesn't convince you, I don't know what will.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Moving is the pits.



We started moving some stuff over this weekend. Books, bookshelves, treadmill, bins of useless junk...it's now gotten to the point where all the items left at our old apartment are necessities for living. I dread the moment when my clothes will be at one place and our bed at another, or the food at one place and the TV at the other. This will inevitably occur soon. I am already tired of moving.

Moving has left me sour for the time being, but my good friend Erin sent me a link to a webpage that I think is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Back when I was a sophomore in high school, I had a student teacher in my Spanish class. Lots of people thought he was really sexy, and I guess he was in an underwear model sort of way. Upon getting to know him, I realized he was really a big nerd and therefore did not find him intriguing any longer. When all you have to talk about with a guy is Ninja Scroll, you know it's not going to work out...especially when he thinks Ninja Scroll is good.

Anywho, we all had our class photos taken with the student teacher.

The tall guy in the middle is him, and I'm the little unsmiling lovely second to right.

It's funny to see that he still has all those class pictures up on the internet. It's even funnier to see the link to his page that Erin located. You see, we were all right about him being sexy in an underwear model sort of way. In fact, that's pretty much what he is right now. It appears he is also an actor of sorts, in addition to his illustrious teaching career.

Here's a sample from his page:


Yikes! Sort of funny to think that people might be ogling his picture in a magazine and thinking what a major babe he is, when I just remember him as a vaguely amusing, nerdy student teacher with his pants up too high.

Good luck in LA, Mr. Lange!

Thursday, September 02, 2004

So I says to Mable, I says, "Mable...."

We're going to start moving into our new apartment tonight. This makes me so happy that I apologetically have nothing to tell you except that I am happy. Isn't that enough for you people? Sheesh, so needy.

I will tell you, additionally, that the Velvet Teen is really really good. Their new CD Elysium has knocked my very socks off, leaving my feet cold and longing for socks. Soon, I will purchase their older discs, as the Exclusive Company has decided to give into my demands and take interest in their music by stocking it.

It's a great day when you've got a new apartment and a disc by the Velvet Teen. This is the utopia that the communists were searching for.

Have I gone too far?

Thursday, August 26, 2004

What to say when there's nothing to say.

I used to be able to write all the time. I would write silly stream of consciousness ramblings, poems that generally ended in comical deaths, and essays on life and everything in between.

I can't write anymore.

Maybe you have to be depressed to have something to say. I used to be depressed, and I used to have a lot to say. I'm much happier now in my life than I have been for quite some time. I'm obviously very pleased with this new-found happiness, but somehow it is slightly unsettling. It seems that in giving up my depression, I've given up my creativity.

I think that's where the dreams come in.

Lately, I have been very tired. It is not because I don't go to bed: I do. I go to bed excruciatingly early, always between 9:30 and 10:30 PM. I wake up, and I'm tired. This is because I have been having way more dreams than I can handle. Very seldom do I remember their specific content, but when I wake up each morning I am aware that they were present the entire night. Sometimes I remember bits and pieces...for example, last night I know that I had a dream about Andy Kempen (who I went to high school with and haven't seen or thought about since) baking me and Sherry and Ben muffins. We wanted to dye the muffins green, and Andy was very opposed to this idea. He tried to take the muffins back, but we made off with them in a mad dash out of the trailer we were staying in. These are the things I dream about. Stupid, nonsensical, psychadelic and often frightening things.

An old dream has come back again.

When I was younger, I used to dream frequently that I was in a bathroom with toilets all around the room. There was never a hint of privacy in this fantasy bathroom...it had no walls between the toilets, and no stalls to speak of. I was always forced to use the toilet in front of whoever was in the room. This was a very very frightening dream to me as a child...I think it always made me anticipate the impending doom that would inevitably be showering in gym class. As it turns out, my mom was full of it and they don't make people shower in gym class anymore. I made it out of that one alive. Anyway, I had the dream again last night. Only this time, in the same public bathroom, Sherry and Ben were watching me and would not leave. I struggled to go to the bathroom, but I couldn't with them watching. They smiled and watched intently. They wouldn't leave. Sherry and Ben...I ask you to stop invading my dreams. Thanks.

It doesn't matter, does it?

According to modern psychology, excessive dreaming is a sign of depression. I do not feel depressed anymore. I feel as close to normal as I will probably ever be. So why the dreams? I think that maybe I have learned how to control my fears and apprehensions...unfortunately, since I do not immediately solve them with creative gestures like writing or drawing any longer, I am forced to do it creatively through dreams.

Dreaming is hard work.

It tires out my brain. This wouldn't matter if I were able to remember the dreams when I wake up. Then I could write them down, and have a wealth of creativity again. I would no longer scrap for ideas, or write worthless posts like the one you are reading. Sucks to be me, though, because my dreams are nonsense. Even if I try to recall them, the imagery is too strange for words. I could write craptastic art-novels based on the stuff of my dreams, but I could never tell it the way I know it needs to be told. As it seems, the over-abundance of dreams I have to face every night is worthless to me.

I wonder if they'll go away?

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Lithium for EVERYONE!

I was listening to Wisconsin Public Radio this morning, as I do every morning, and the subject was whether the media should have opinions or not. A caller called up and was commenting about why the media doesn't make a bigger deal out of the Patriot Act and the president's new act that would make every citizen subject to a mental health screening. Upon hearing this, I chalked it up to an internet hoax or a rumor, but I didn't discredit her. I decided to do a little research on this subject on ye olde internet, and was terrified to find an abundance of information available.

As it turns out, she was correct.

President Bush, in another one of his brilliantly titled schemes, has founded the New Freedom Commission on Mental Health. At the surface, this would appear to be another program aimed at making sure people with disabilities receive fair treatment. If you look into it further, you will see that most of the research and funding has been provided by the world's largest drug companies that we all know and love, such as GlaxoSmithKline, Pfizer, and many others. Upon digging deeper, you will see that the ultimate goal of this "commission" is to have every man, woman, and child screened for mental illness. It's not difficult to see that with the lax new standards we have in the US for "mental illness", this will mean big bucks for the already mega-rich drug companies. The government, with little refutation from the school sytems, has already found a way to corner the children's market: diagnose children with ADHD! Kids are hyper. That's a given. But doesn't it seem strange that SO many more children are being diagnosed with a hyperactivity disorder than ever before? Isn't it a little odd that parents can be punished for refusing to give their kids unnecessary drugs? Since that market is covered, I guess the adult population is next on the list.

I have seen therapists and I have been diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses. I live with that, and I find ways to make sure it doesn't interfere with my daily life. I used to wish that I had been prescribed drugs, but I don't anymore. I am eternally grateful that I wasn't put on those drugs, because at least now I'm able to see the harm that they cause. They make you suicidal, less importantly they make you gain weight, and some destroy your liver. You know what? I can live with a little depression: at least I'll be ALIVE! These drugs are not safe, and they have not been tested thoroughly enough by parties that have no reason for bias.

If this sort of atrocity is able to be implemented, it's going to be straight out of Cold War science fiction novels. We ARE going to be a bunch of zombies led by the government elite...we will be fed bogus news to keep us "informed", and mysteriously go "missing" if we know too much. It's going to happen, if we don't stay on top of things. It's ALREADY happening right in front of us, every day of our lives. For God's sake, please don't let it!

Isn't it just like our government to go after something so vague as mental illness? You'd think that if they really cared about people, they would try to find the root of the problem. You can prescribe all the drugs in the world, but it isn't going to solve anything. If the government cared, they would realize that issues like the environment and the chemicals that pollute it are very much to blame for the problem. Of course they're not the whole problem, but certainly they play an important role. The collapse of the nuclear family offers a huge contribution to adolescent depression, but who would want to work on that? Let's worry about gays instead. THEY'RE the problem! Give me a break. Teen pregnancy? ABSTINENCE. That's the ticket! Birth control is for whores and heathens. We all just need to wait until we're married; that will solve EVERYTHING! There are so many societal factors contributing to the onset of "mental illness" that it is not even funny. People, collectively speaking, need to work on the issues that make their standard of living less than perfect. If it's something that the government needs to work on, then we need to make it known to them that we won't just sit back while they try to drug us into oblivion. Somewhere along the line, we forgot that the goverment is supposed to be of the poeple and for the people. It seems now that it's of a few very rich people, for a few very rich people, and against the rest of the people.

How the hell did we let this happen?


Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Oda a las Naranjas

Darling Clementines
Sweet and bursting with juices
So easy to peel.
No words can really describe the wonders that are Darling Clementine oranges. Today,whilst eating my sad, workplace lunch, I have rekindled my love for these tiny, delicate fruits. What is a Clementine you might say? I would reply, "It's an orange, dumbass." Then I would kindly hand you one of my many Clementine oranges that I purchased at Copp's Food Center yesterday evening. You would inevitably marvel at its small, squatty shape and the bright orange rind that encompasses the wonders within. You would then begin to peel the little darling, only to find that it peels easier than any orange you have ever peeled. Upon completion of the peeling process, you would note the perfect segments that are just the right size; very reminiscent of mandarin orange segments, you might add. The first segment you separate from the orange you will hardly believe...the flavor and juices are intense...the flesh is so tender....and the, the SEED is so LARGE! You will then ask "What is with these massive seeds???" I will reply, "How else do you expect it to reproduce?" You will likely nod in understanding and continue on your journey into flavor country. Now that you've realized there are massive seeds within, you will try to squeeze them from each tiny segment before eating; this will lead to a pulpy mass in your hand that no longer resembles the perfect half-moon segment you once held. You will learn to master the art of seed removal. It is at this time that you will be at peace with the Clementine Orange. You will undoubtedly tell others about them, and probably write a stupid blog piece describing how you will turn others on to your favorite fruit. You might just give a bag or crate of them to a friend as a gift. That friend will look at you with a look of astonished confusion, but soon that friend will also pass on a crate of lil darlings to someone else. In time, everyone the world over will know and love the candy-sweet dandies from South Africa known as Darling Clementine's, and world peace will duely result. In the meantime: Bananas, grapes, and kumquats beware! There's a new kid on the block who is ready to dethrone you. He might be small, but he packs quite a punch. Clementine's 4 EVA!

Friday, July 30, 2004

What's so hard about politics?

Did you catch John Kerry's acceptance speech at the Democratic Convention last night? I always questioned his speaking ability a little bit, but he has not failed to impress me the last few weeks. One thing struck me right away about it...he can actually speak from his head and his heart and not rely solely on a teleprompter! He can actually turn his head and make eye contact without stumbling, losing his place, and mispronouncing things! Wow! Haven't seen that in a while.
Today on Yahoo! News, I encountered 2 articles on the front page that I find troubling in various ways. I will post the articles in their entirity, and my own comments will be placed in bold and in parentheses behind whatever I feel the need to comment on.

Article Number Uno...

Bush Criticizes Kerry's Achievements

By PETE YOST, Associated Press Writer

SPRINGFIELD, Mo. - President Bush launched his counterattack Friday against John Kerry saying his Democratic rival spent 18 years in the U.S. Senate with "no signature achievements."(Is it worse to have no achievements of notice than to have a bunch of mistakes attributed to your name?)
"My opponent has good intentions, but intentions do not always translate to results," Bush told thousands of supporters who repeatedly interrupted his remarks with standing ovations. (Even if good intentions don't mean good results, I'd rather vote for someone who at least HAS good intentions. )
Appearing at a baseball stadium at Southwest Missouri State University, Bush said that during eight years on the Senate Intelligence Committee, Kerry voted to cut the intelligence budget but had no record of reforming America's intelligence-gathering capability. Problems with the intelligence agencies have been blamed for many of the failures surrounding the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.
Bush also said Kerry has no significant record for reforming education or health care. (George Bush is currently president. Does HE have any significant record for reforming education or health care? I'm pretty sure that costs for health care have skyrocketed the last few years, and that Bush's No Child Left Behind act has been a colossal failure....)
The president said that Kerry and running mate John Edwards consistently oppose reforms that limit the power of Washington and leave more power in the hands of the people. (Hold on there, partner. Are you trying to tell me that it's a BAD thing to give the people power to make decisions that directly affect their well-being? You have got to be kidding me! It's a really scary thing when your best argument against your opponent STILL makes you look bad...)
"This week members of the other party gathered in Boston," Bush said. "We heard a lot of clever speeches and some big promises. After 19 years in the United States Senate my opponent has had thousands of votes but very few signature achievements."
Bush also mounted a defense of his record, saying that Kerry would erase gains made in the past four years in the economy and U.S. security. (Do you feel safe right now? I sure don't. As for the economy, stay tuned for article #2)
"We are turning the corner and we are not turning back" in the war on terrorism and on issues from improving education and health care to maintaining the tax cuts he has put in place, said Bush, declaring: "Results matter."(Yeah, they do. And we can all see how much it matters when Bush gets the results he wants...terrorism thrives, our soldiers are killed, and a once self-sufficient and sovereign nation is under our militant rule.)
"They're going to raise taxes, we're not," Bush said of Kerry.
He said the Bush administration has "a clear vision on how to win the war on terror and bring peace to the world." (So why hasn't he put his vision into place yet?)
Bush also contrasted the longtime government service of Dick Cheney to Edwards, a first-term senator. (Politics is the one place where it almost pays to be inexperienced...that way, you haven't learned how to profit from everyone else's misfortunes yet.)
"I appreciate my running mate," said Bush. "He's not the prettiest man in the race, but he's got sound judgment." (He's the one who pushed for Iraq...he's the one that refused to have a meeting about people flying planes into buildings...Yep. Sound judgement.)
Offering broad outlines of his re-election agenda, Bush promised better times and fresh ideas, declaring "we have more work to do." (You think???)
In response to Bush's speech, the Kerry campaign said "results do matter" and that Bush's policies have led to record deficits, skyrocketing health costs, lower quality jobs, a military that is stretched too thin and a nation isolated from its allies. (Oh, but that stuff doesn't matter! I'd be un-American to think George Bush may have been wrong!)
In his acceptance speech Thursday night, Kerry hit hard at the president's handling of the Iraq war and the war on terror.
"Saying there are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq doesn't make it so," said Kerry. "Saying we can fight a war on the cheap doesn't make it so. And proclaiming mission accomplished certainly doesn't make it so."
Outside the minor-league baseball stadium where Bush spoke, hundreds of protesters carried signs and chanted.
"I'm so frightened about what's happening to the country," said Joan Wagnon, 72, of Springfield. She held a sign reading, "Don't waive your rights while waving your flag." (Isn't it a sign of the times when even senior citizens won't vote Republican?)
Bush did not stay up to watch Kerry's convention address but read and saw reports about it, spokesman Scott McClellan said. Adviser Karl Rove watched the speech, McClellan told reporters. (Heaven forbid he ever try to pay attention to anything important....)
"I think the senator of Massachusetts is a walking contradiction," McClellan said. Although he called Kerry's speech "nicely crafted," he criticized Kerry's Senate record and said he is "running as fast and as far as he can from that record."
In a trip focused on the Midwest, the president campaigns Saturday by bus in Ohio, the second bus tour he has made in the state in three months. He will wrap up two days of campaigning with a rally Saturday afternoon in Pittsburgh, just hours after Kerry speaks in a nearby suburb. It will be his 31st visit to Pennsylvania since being elected.
Bush won Missouri in 2000 with 50 percent of the vote to Al Gore's 47 percent, and in Springfield, Mo., the president appeals to some of his strongest supporters in the state.
"This is a turnout game and whoever mobilizes their base most effectively is going to win the state," says political science professor Martha Kropf of the University of Missouri at Kansas City. Missouri has lost nearly 40,000 manufacturing jobs since Bush took office, but the picture has improved markedly in the past year, with the labor force as a whole adding 83,000 jobs. (So what does that bring the unemployment numbers up to?)

And now for article Numero Dos.....

White House Projects Record $445B Deficit

By ALAN FRAM, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON - The White House projected Friday that this year's deficit will hit a record $445 billion, further fueling a campaign-season dispute over President Bush's handling (mishandling) of the economy.
The figure easily surpassed last year's $375 billion, making it the largest-ever in dollar terms. (Did you hear that? LARGEST EVER!) That gave ammunition to Democrats who say Bush's tax cuts and failure to prevent a loss of jobs during his term has worsened the outlook for the budget and the economy.
But in a political plus for Republicans, the new projection was also an improvement over forecasters' expectations of earlier this year. In February, the administration projected a $521 billion shortfall for 2004, while the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office estimated a month earlier that the deficit would be $477 billion. (Well isn't that great? Hey, we have the largest deficit in history but at least it's not as bad as we thought it would be! That's got to count for something, right? right....?)
The White House was attributing the improvement to the collection of $82 billion more in revenue than had been anticipated, which generally reflects more vigorous economic activity. That was partly offset by $6 billion more in spending than was expected, mostly for Medicaid and Medicare. (To help form that fan-fricken-tastic Senior Drug card?)
"We are meeting our national priorities and by showing spending restraint elsewhere in the budget we are on track to meet the president's commitment to cutting deficits in half" over the next five years, White House spokesman Scott McClellan told reporters aboard Air Force One as Bush flew to campaign stops in the Midwest. (It's easy to show spending restraint when there is no money to spend.)
Democrats argue the report underscores the decline of the government's fiscal health under Bush, who has seen three straight years of worsening annual shortfalls following four consecutive surpluses under President Clinton. (Bill Clinton, remember that guy?)
"Anyway you slice it, a deficit exceeding $400 billion this year alone is bad news for the country," said Thomas Kahn, Democratic staff director for the House Budget Committee. "Republicans' failed budget policies have converted record surpluses into the biggest deficits in American history." (Maybe this is going to be one of those eras, much like the Vietnam era, that we casually exclude from our school history books.)
The White House was also boosting its estimate of Medicare spending by $67 billion over the next five years. Administration officials attributed the increase to added expenditures under last year's bill expanding Medicare coverage and to changes in long-range technical estimates about the program.
Medicare, the government's health insurance program for the elderly and disabled, spends about $300 billion a year. Extra Medicare spending could further heighten concerns about the program's solvency, already in jeopardy over the next two decades with the impending retirement of the huge baby-boom generation. (So far their solution has been to up the retirement age to 70...)
Medicare's anticipated rapid growth in coming years is expected to be a major engine keeping the budget in the red.
The federal budget year runs through Sept. 30. That means the final deficit figure will be available shortly before the Nov. 2 election, further shining a spotlight on the issue.

There you have it...if you see anything else that needs to be discussed, go right ahead. I'd love to see someone on the other side's argument, but of course people on that side would never come here or read this. Who would ever want to learn both sides of the story? Then you might actually have to question what you believe!


Monday, July 19, 2004

Happy 1 Month Anniversary!

Get out the party hats and noise makers...today is me and Ryan's one month anniversary. Who would have ever thought it could last a month, huh? Ha!
 
This weekend we went home for Sovereign State Days in our hometown (at least my hometown) of Winneconne. It always seems like a good idea until you actually get there...then you quickly remember that there is a reason that you don't live there anymore. With the exception of most family and our close friends, I have no desire to see anyone in that town at all. I always find it a little sad yet amusing when I see someone that I went to school with and they see me, but we both continue on pretending that we didn't see one another so as to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. I am 20, but I am not your average 20 year old. I forget sometimes that my friends are all very mature for their age, so when I meet an actual normal 20 year old it strikes me that it is a very young age. Most of them are going to college, parties, and working part time jobs. They probably don't have significant others and if they do, it is very fleeting. I am married, I do not attend school, and I work full time for the welfare office. Let the good times roll! In all honesty, I never wanted to be your average 20 year old...I got sick of that before it ever started.
 
In between running into old friends and non-friends, we did manage to go and see an actual friend at Dan's Citgo and enjoy some really nice animals. I petted a pig's snout and watched a deer pee. Who knew that deer had wangs? I guess I should have figured, but it's quite a sight to behold. Lemurs, ferrets, a camel, and elk...all waiting for me to watch them and pet them when possible! That's the sort of thing you want to come home for.
 
For those of you who know what I'm talking about, don't eat pizza at Antler's bar...the pizza sauce is just Prego or Ragu. I swear!
 
I don't ever want to hear God Bless America again. I can't even tell you how much I hate that song...memories of people singing it on the steps of Congress, choruses of school children singing it at their winter concerts, and now, people singing it during the fireworks at Sovereign State. As it was pointed out to me, Sovereign State Days is the celebration of when Winneconne decided to secede from the United States...was it out of irony that they decided to sing that song during the celebration? I highly doubt it, though if it were it would be a very clever gag. I think that somehow people are unable to think of fireworks in any other context than the fourth of July, and therefore did not even realize the complete idiocy of what they were singing and when.
 
I don't know why I insist on going back to Sovereign State Days...it's always a bitter disappointment in some ways. The flea market has little but junk that the seller no longer wants, the parade gets weaker and weaker every year, and you never ever see a new face. I hate it, but I know I'll go back next year. I'll probably go back every year and bring my kids back too, to tour the little school house and the newly restored steamboat. I must be some sort of salmon or trout...going upstream, even though they know there will be a grizzy bear waiting to scoop them up at the top of the waterfall.  I'm a trout...haha.
 
Anyway, I hope that your Sovereign State weekend or just plain weekend was eventful and happy. Or uneventful and unhappy, if that's the way you like it. Enjoy the week! July is almost over!

Thursday, July 08, 2004

Facts about Iraq.

Listening to a program on WPR this morning, the guest cited the website she was representing so I decided to check it out. Here are some incredibly interesting statistics regarding the big mistake that is the war in Iraq. These facts come from The Institute for Policy Studies. Feel free to be outraged.

-Total number of coalition military deaths between the start of war and June 16, 2004: 952 (836 U.S.)

-Of those 952, the number killed after President George W. Bush declared “an end to major combat operations” on May 1, 2003: 693

-Number of U.S. troops wounded in combat since the war began: 5,134 (Number ill or injured in “non-combat” incidents estimated to be over 11,000)

-Number of U.S. troops wounded in combat since President George W. Bush declared “an end to major combat operations” on May 1, 2003: 4,593

-Number of civilian contractors, missionaries, and civilian workers killed: 50-90

-Number of international media workers killed: 30

-Iraqi civilians killed: 9,436 to 11,317

-Iraqi civilians injured: 40,000 (est.)

-Iraqi soldiers and insurgents killed prior to May 1, 2003: 4,895 to 6,370

-The bill so far: $126.1 billion

-Additional amount to cover operations through 2004: $25 billion

-What $151 billion could have paid for in the U.S.:

>Housing vouchers: 23 million

>Health care for uninsured Americans: 27 mil.

>Salaries for elementary school teachers: 3 mil.

>New fire engines: 678,200

>Head Start slots: 20 million

-Estimated long-term cost of war to every U.S. household: $3,415

-Amount contractor Halliburton is alleged to have charged for meals never served to troops and for cost overruns on fuel deliveries: $221 million

-Kickbacks received by Halliburton employees from subcontractors: $6 million

-Percentage of Americans who now feel that “the situation in Iraq was not worth going to war over.”: 54

-Percentage of Iraqis who said they would feel safer if U.S. and other foreign troops left the country immediately: 55

-Percentage of U.S. soldiers in Iraq reporting low morale: 52

-Percentage of soldiers who said they would not re-enlist: 50

-Percentage of wounded unable to return to duty: 64

-Number of soldiers whose tours of duty have been extended by the Army: 20,000

-Percentage of reserve troops who earn lower salaries while on deployment: 30-40

-Fraction of National Guard troops among U.S. force now in Iraq: 1/3

-Percentage of U.S. police departments missing officers due to Iraq deployments: 44

-Effect on al Qaeda of the Iraq war, according to International Institute for Strategic Studies: “Accelerated recruitment”

-Estimated number of al Qaeda terrorists as of May 2004: 18,000 with 1,000 active in Iraq

-Percentage of Iraqis expressing “no confidence” in U.S. civilian authorities or coalition forces: 80

-Price of a gallon of gasoline in the U.S. in May 2004: more than $2

I don't know about you, but I think I'd rather spend my $3,415 on things that actually BENEFIT someone other than George Bush, Dick Cheney, and the Saudis...

I had to work 240.67 hours to give the government my share of the money they need to fund this war. What I find funniest about this is that the oil companies have gotten richer from us emptying our pockets to this war, but someone they just can't seem to pass the savings onto us. Supply and demand, right? Right....?


Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Global Idiot Epidemic.

This is a front-page news article from Yahoo. First, read the article:

Expert: AIDS Could Breed Africa Terrorism

Wed Jul 7, 8:39 AM ET

DUBUQUE, Iowa - If African nations lose the war against AIDS, the continent risks becoming the next breeding ground for international terrorists such as al-Qaeda operatives, an American diplomat said this week.

"If they lose the war on AIDS, everything else doesn't matter," Dan Mozena said. "The reason this is our top priority is not because we're nice guys, it's because it's in the interest of the United States."

Mozena, last week finished a three-year tour as deputy chief of mission in Zambia and becomes director of the office of Southern African Affairs at the State Department in mid-August.

He said Tuesday that fighting AIDS remains the United States' main goal in Zambia, a nation about the size of Texas.

More than 1 million adults — 21.5 percent of the Zambian population — suffer from AIDS, pushing the landlocked country into more turmoil every year, he said.

"If those states fail, they become breeding grounds, safe-havens for the next batch of Osama bin Ladens," Mozena said, noting the destruction and turmoil in Afghanistan proved appealing for the Saudi-born terrorist.

Mozena, who was raised on a dairy farm north of Dubuque, traveled in Zambia frequently, talking with orphaned street children and visiting villages devastated by AIDS and HIV.

"I want to see what's really happening, because I was in a position where everyone was reporting to me and telling me what happened," Mozena said.

Mozena said due mostly to AIDS, 850,000 children in Zambia are orphans — 8 to 9 percent of the country's population.

The life expectancy in Zambia, where about 380 people die daily of AIDS, has dropped to about 35 years from 52 in 1981.

Such devastation and destruction in the south African nation leaves it vulnerable to political instability, he said.

Mozena, a former Peace Corps volunteer, also warned ignoring the AIDS epidemic could have a more severe, immediate effect on the American population than terrorism.

"If the AIDS epidemic keeps sweeping across Africa, it will come washing up on our shores as well, in ways we cannot know."

Mozena, however, remains optimistic that a $15 billion, five-year, 15-country initiative by President Bush launched 1 1/2 years ago will help stymie the global AIDS epidemic.


Okay, now this article raises a number of interesting points. First of all, why would AIDS cause terrorism? Political instability, bla bla bla. Despite that sort of fragile logic, what else has one got to do with the other? Plenty of contries "suffer" from political instability...why all the sudden is THIS particular case THE CASE that we should worry about? Because the people are dying of a disease rather than genocide? There's just not a whole lot of sense in this...maybe it makes sense to a writer from Dubuque, Iowa, but I think it seems drastically blown out of proportion and more than a little bit presumptuous.

And I quote: "If they lose the war on AIDS, everything else doesn't matter," Dan Mozena said. "The reason this is our top priority is not because we're nice guys, it's because it's in the interest of the United States." I don't think that any of us were ever fooled for a second into thinking we would try to help a nation because we were "nice guys." But why is this in the interest of the United States? We certainly don't care about the people...unfortunately, my first logical thought is "What do they have that we want?" Is it just a matter of we-better-get-it-before-the-terrorists do? Suspicious to say the least.

Next issue...how can there be an AIDS epidemic? If there is one thing that I'm glad about regarding AIDS, it's that I don't HAVE to get it if I don't want it. What can you do to not get AIDS?:

1. Don't have sex with gay men from Africa.
2. Don't have sex with men.
3. Don't have sex. At all.

Okay, so the point I'm getting at is just don't be a whore. Man-whore or whore-whore, you still can get AIDS. Talk to someone before you sleep with them, find out who THEY have slept with, and if you're not sure go together hand-in-hand and get a fricken AIDS test. How romantic it will be! It's not that hard.

Here's another thing...DON'T DO NEEDLE DRUGS! Just quit shootin' the smack, or if you MUST, go buy a box of goddamn 99 cent hypodermic needles from Walgreens and use THOSE! Don't use the one that your 97-pound dying junkie friend just threw on the floor, and don't use the one that you found in the street. Just save up a wee bit of your drug money and buy a fresh box of needles. You'll be king/queen of the streets! Sell them for profit, I don't care! Just don't use them again!

AIDS does not live on toilet seats. It's not spread by kissing or handholding. The HIV-virus lives in the blood and is spread as such.

I think it's pretty easy to see that there will be no "washing up on shore" of this "epidemic" anytime soon. Don't be whore and don't do drugs...it's NOT THAT HARD!

I understand that many of the people in Africa are not as educated as we are about the cause of AIDS and HIV. Why doesn't our lovely government go over there and start a program to teach people HOW the virus is spread, rather than trying to cause a fear epidemic over here? Oops...I think I stumbled upon the secret...

There is no epidemic. We are being forced to live in a constant state of fear regarding attacks, disease, poverty, and the unknown. This article proves that the government has found our top 3 weaknesses: Fear of destruction, fear of death, and fear of the unknown. Let's just throw it all together, blend it up, and come up with the concoction that will scare every flag-pin wearing, bumper sticker sporting American: AFRICAN TERRORISTS WITH AIDS.

What a scoop!

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

MY BUM!

Hope everybody had a nice holiday weekend. Since I'm a rockin' government worker, I got Monday off which was certainly a nice treat. Ryan did too since he's also a government sap, so we got to have a pleasant 3 day weekend. This year, once again, we missed the Rhythm and Booms fireworks. Last year it was because we went to the downtown MATC campus rather than the northside one, thus putting us on the totally wrong side of town. This year they were rained out. The fireworks did get shot off last night as the rain date, but I really couldn't see them over the tops of the apartment buildings. Oh well. Maybe next year! On Saturday I got to add 2 new additions to my repertoire of bodily mutilation. I got a lovely celtic design on my right shoulder, so I'm no longer lopsided in respect to tattoos. I also got a little heart on my butt with my first initial in it. It's just like the Care Bears, see? Get it? Hmm? 2 other lovely ladies got it with me, but I will spare posting there names for fear they do not want their bum atrocities exposed to the world. My butt is a little sore today, but it'll be worth it in about a week when it's no longer a hard and crusty scab-ball. I hate blogs where people just say what they do every day...that's what I'm doing right now. It's lame. I just wanted to tell people that I have new tattoos, and thusly have disgraced my blog. I apologize for that!

Maybe this funny picture of cats playing will help? I hope so.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

HTML is hard.

Can anyone tell me why my "Fun" links are so spacey? I don't get it.

My job makes me sad.

I work at a really sad place. My clients are poor, destitute, and often homeless. Some could do better, but choose not to. Some want to do better, but can't. I exist to help them exist. I get paid so they can get paid.

Sometimes I think I have the worst job in the world. It's thankless and I often go unappreciated. I create spreadsheets and systems to maintain smooth operation, but coworkers break them and laugh about how stupid they are for doing it. I spend half my day fixing it. It's a real hoot. Yeah.

People yell at me, people throw things, and people make accusations because they don't know better. They are just raised that way. I'm glad I wasn't raised that way.

My boss blames me for things I didn't do. I do a million things right, but I'm such a failure if I "forget" to do something she never asked me to do. I try to respond, but she interrupts me. I think she hates me because I try hard. Maybe she should try harder.

I am okay because I have caring friends, a caring family, and especially a caring husband. It could be worse...I could be these people. I don't want to pick cotton or clean a sewer. I don't want to clean out the drunk tank. I really don't want to embalm dead people.

Homeless people are okay, I guess. Most of them aren't even homeless. They just say they are so we don't know what they really have. Homeless people don't have cell phones, novelty lighters, expensive clothing, and designer handbags. Our homeless people do. Something is wrong with the way they think.

Some of our homeless people are truly homeless. They smell. They drink. They carry around plastic bags. They loiter in our bathroom until they are forced to leave at closing. They are sad. Often they have just been let out of jail. They will probably go back. They don't know how to do better.

I'm okay because I know how to do better. I can eat fettucinne at lunch if I want, and I can eat mandarin oranges from a cup. I don't wonder where my next meal will come from. I just have to worry if the center will be cooked when I take it from the microwave. I can save my checks, but I probably won't. I will spend them frivolously because that's what I do.

I don't have to go to work, but I always do. I can be sad, but I will go back. I will come home, and I will be tired. But I will go back. I will cry because it makes me sad, but I will go back. I always go back.

You'll probably go back too.

Monday, June 28, 2004

Return of the SPAM BEAST!

Here is another wonderful spam email I received. I absolutely love these ones with the random keywords. If there's one thing that makes me want to visit a website, it's random gibberish that doesn't contain any coherent thoughts....Enjoy!

From: "Curtis Mccray"
To: XXXXXX@yahoo.com
Subject: bouffant disney boise potentiometer smut extraditable jazzy belate boron accident reel breakfast lawrencium solicitor alundum eleventh squamous implementor campbell
Date: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 04:06:44 -0300

Supe up your life.

http://www.fakeaddress.com

forthcome hysterectomy demography cossack extrusive deprecatory ragging
cusp miscible ralph wispy wold sun zeroth .
hinge sagacious identify citywide arcana cathedra clung atkins foldout
backwood lethe .

loosestrife rusty burnt iconoclasm haze boss censure beam anorthic
aching eigenfunction goldfinch lift workstation roy uptrend botswana
catlike .

cockpit meanwhile breccia quartermaster owly antler brockle captain
evince watchmake clomp arrival covert gamesman leighton dredge bushel
henchmen expire catholic grommet u's instalment datum cryogenic surety
argentina buchwald mylar conformation craig chalk resume .
chalcocite tight megalomania shed french hedonist infinitesimal befall
amorous headstand cerebellum exotica fusiform inhabitation devisee
bisexual hamburg christoffel provisional citizen downtrodden
arteriosclerosis dominican dubious uhf tactual comparative strawflower frayed elution
bufflehead cycle concision malfeasant blasphemous squirm .

lute collude pick vail marks spear qualify browse monochromatic break
bowel .

Noooooo mooreeee meeeeeessaaaaaageees heeeeereeeeee

http://www.fakeaddress.com

teamwork averse homogeneous spumoni kitten fusiform kerygma symptomatic
careful neurosis tarnish dobson gaseous fundamental dowling valent
medici .
mossy nymph wardroom been buckthorn bootstrapping dreamt combinator
dexter gnaw dune dreyfuss grail earsplitting convenient asuncion
accomplish await .

predicate jog moloch surveyor morale buoy burrow accrual martyrdom
blacksmith paradise .

sprig immeasurable dodd cavalcade sharon sleight hoyden cloud avenue
frame dryden horn catnip descriptor fidelity mutatis facet sacrilegious
flown watson tristate interim residuum bmw belief duckling corrosive
generosity pensive canberra groundskeep jamboree villa kumquat cassius
ignore dementia bauble ajax ecstatic .
baird periodic boxy airmail keenan undulate drape curiosity bondage
sovereign corruptible dickinson .
minimal bilabial steve snowmobile regretted janos inviolable halve
besotted society cottonmouth joanne dedicate starfish gate chromatin
cochrane .

postcondition constituent comrade phage presto dwindle piraeus critter
hesitant doubtful incipient york bert tame .
cairn zomba lobby conspicuous marshland sawyer connecticut efficient
engage bandstand chandler defect stockbroker berlitz persist boeotia
algol bin disastrous dodo dashboard astatine amputate desegregate frankel
conciliate fermion mccracken hyperboloid csnet dive logan elevate simply
deprecate abelian aggression .
airspace discus aseptic embark lapelled rotunda wistful twinkle
paramagnetic flashback petty ottawa weber austin prudent event fpc d's
obstinate kestrel anathema referendum hobble internescine beechwood
ornamentation anode bounce douglass .

duchess accent frequent proven loot spruce arteriolosclerosis coproduct
ocelot aloud cornelia diplomacy enforcible lilian invention her minnow
dashboard bertrand tame landfill aphasic hobbs dewey chairperson afoul
prospector rook hypocritical cycle swine howdy manage cork daly bony .
concede piccolo gunnery vacuole bernardo blazon weierstrass dapple
shafer convergent barberry emitter diversify aloha castillo medici minot
symposium abash sequential anonymity decorous recession coplanar aaas
pile purdue terminal portraiture ballast thebes .
amass apathy embroidery glaze bessemer uncouth brevity acclaim bryce
arrive guaranteeing stale catatonic glamour inform melcher utopian
ascendant mycology longtime alphanumeric .
discuss cyst ella effusion intermit floodlight contentious
combinatorial aboriginal muddy lamplight mimetic .

fantasy millennium humorous holiday nuzzle homeward quixotic heublein
inferno berkowitz bittersweet anheuser butyric assyriology sycamore
maintain stoke megaton feudatory lacy dumpty factorial stew cacophony
aeneid .
beyond sure blink behest afro exploration earthshaking pasture
despicable refractory will flageolet giveaway psychopath el benevolent
constitutive slob professor jonas cog paymaster volta seville inveigh chiang
asymptote armament donkey contributory meningitis digestible introversion
crimea tid forsaken gigantic audiotape direct .

effeminate increase marshland acrylic skew formulate protean
sarsaparilla distort lutheran asiatic absence rampage peru delicacy hattie
perverse trachea aim wombat micrography astral droop gestalt multiplet
adamant invariable duopoly employ assiduity conservatism appointe augustus .
bassett darling good renovate befogging claw dun forbes garter
backgammon enstatite thetis candid bike homonym elmer welles abominate elisha
resorcinol coplanar scholastic purview schist flew kingsbury .

zebra fearsome sal spec titanate anastigmat blueberry conservative
mauritius cheryl fad whinny padlock saliva chilblain brimstone appliance
acanthus warmhearted compile dolt casual indigo irving tenderloin benzene
hannah .
arcturus easy bedazzle armchair viking brook pandemonium add mutineer
bedford backhand gypsite lope juicy elmer orin penalty mitosis substrate
bimini alumina lounsbury construe stun disciple .

fifth dreamlike irate comatose springy synonymous dispense bose bruce
claus boisterous lain catsup warp gabriel verona claude .


RAAAAH! I am the SPAM BEAST! Blab telephone ruckus sanitize!!!!

Saturday, June 26, 2004

Needless to say...

George Bush must die.

Now.

Go see Fahrenheit 9/11.

Now.

Friday, June 25, 2004

Rate my baby.


Hi, according to this site I'm the ugliest baby on earth!

There are plenty of Rate My (fill in your own noun) sites out there, but I just today encountered a site for Rate My Baby. There are quite a few sites of this nature, so I feel compelled to comment. Now, I can see a Rate My Kitten or Rate My Puppy because after all the animals can't just get on the internet and surf around...if they're the lowest scoring cat or pup, they won't mind. (As a matter of fact, the lowest scoring animal is usually just a person dressed up as an animal anyway.) I know what you're thinking...."Babies can't go on the internet." You're right. Babies CAN'T surf the web by their own volition. However, in a good 5 or 6 years they'll be old enough to start searching for the Rate My Such and Such sites, only to be greeted and stunned by their own picture. Can you imagine how sad that would be for a 10 year old kid to stumble upon his own photo on a Rate My Baby site and see that he was rated as the ugliest baby ever entered? I know that wouldn't probably happen, but it's a sad thing to think about. Mothers need to ask themselves, what GOOD will it do to put this picture up? At least if you present your baby to family and friends in real life, they will lie and say it's just about the cutest little person they've ever seen. Computer users, behind their shield of anonymity, are not so kind. They will be ruthless. They will say that the best-looking babies are ugly just to throw off the votes. They will post nasty things about your children. WHAT GOOD WILL COME OF THIS? If you really need that much reinforcement about your child's looks, just give it a few years...your kid will be 10 times uglier than it was when you started. Almost every child goes through an awkward phase from about 7-12 years old where you will wonder what the hell is wrong with them. Just keep that in mind, and keep telling yourself that babies always looks like wrinkled old men. Oh, and always remember: sure babies are miracles and all, but no one gives a shit about your own but you.


I know that no one else gives a shit ABOUT me,
but nobody told me they might give a shit ON ME!


Thursday, June 24, 2004

September 9/11

Today in Iraq 89 people are confirmed dead and over 300 are injured. Needless to say, Ryan and I already have our tickets to go see Fahrenheit 9/11 on opening day (Friday) at 7:30 PM. Anyone who would like to is more than welcome to join us here in Madison...it'll be playing at the Hollywood Cinema in Appleton, too, and that's the closest it's going to be to the Fox Cities.


Yes kids, being president is just this easy.

P.S. For those of you who haven't already gone to look at the Gadjits page, you should try...or else, save yourself some trouble and go to the link for Architechts in my music section. What a surprise!

Monday, June 14, 2004

Damn Punk Rock Music.



That'll learn you hooligans with your punk rock music and your Pac-Man video games! You punk rock kids with your drums and your electric gee-tars better go read some Chick Tracts or I swear you are ALL going to hell.

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Spam is so much fun!

Maybe you all don't think that spam mail is as funny as I do, but it really is hilarious. Every day I get about 50 or so spam emails in my bulk email box. Now, normally I don't even look in the mailbox at all before I empty its contents, but on particularly boring days like today I take a gander at the titles. I will share with you some of my favorites from today.

From: Sticky Girls
Subject: Sprayed and Sticky
(Nothing sexier than a girl with lint stuck to her.)

From: Rear End Fixation
Subject: Sexually Explicit Ass Poundings
(Phew! Thank God that those ass poundings are sexually explicit. I wouldn't want that OTHER kind...)

From: Yellow Liquid
Subject: Girls Soaked and Dripping
(How kind of the yellow liquid to email me personally and show me the quality of its work!)

From: Vaughn
Subject: An Extra Leg Never Hurt Anyone
(Unless that leg is kicking you square in the ass...wait, extra leg? They don't mean...OH!!!)

Those lovely spams made my day and I hope they'll make yours too.

Monday, June 07, 2004

Yep.

Hooray for me! This page belonging to Century 21 is no longer classified per Dane County policy as Hate Speech!!!

Unfortunately, it is now classified as "Adult Sexual Content" per Dane County policy and is once again blocked.

They really need to look at the sites that are being blocked rather just making assumptions about their content. I guess realtors are not only speakers of hate, but they are also porn stars. Hooray.

Friday, June 04, 2004

Fun times

I've added quite a few new links in the reformatted links section. In particular, you really should check out the website for the Eternal Life Device. I guarantee you won't be quite sure what to make of it. Strangest part? It was one of the "suggested sites" on Yahoo when I did a search...you know, the sites that companies pay to have listed in the special box on top? Yeah...you figure it out!

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

Where do you sit?

Just for kicks, you all should take the test that is located on the right side of my page on the Links section called the Political Compass. It shows you where you sit on the new political spectrum. I sit at -5 towards the Liberal Side and -.97 towards the Libertarian side. Take it and tell me where you sit and what political figure it says you're most like. I'm most like Ghandi and the Dali Lhama. (sp?)

Friday, May 28, 2004

More Wisdom from Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Even though I know that most of you will be too lazy to read this whole thing, I'm going to post it anyway. This is the full-text of an interview that Kurt Vonnegut did with In These Times magazine. The war is a tired, tired topic and so is the president, but if one person can sum it all up in a neat little package it's Mr. Vonnegut. Please read it, and please enjoy it. Keep in mind that he's 80 years old...Just because you're 80, you DON'T have to be a conservative Republican.


You have lived through World War II, Korea, Vietnam, the Reagan wars, Desert Storm, the Balkan wars and now this coming war in Iraq. What has changed, and what has remained the same?

One thing which has not changed is that none of us, no matter what continent or island or ice cap, asked to be born in the first place, and that even somebody as old as I am, which is 80, only just got here. There were already all these games going on when I got here. … An apt motto for any polity anywhere, to put on its state seal or currency or whatever, might be this quotation from the late baseball manager Casey Stengel, who was addressing a team of losing professional athletes: “Can’t anybody here play this game?”

My daughter Lily, for an example close to home, who has just turned 20, finds herself—as does George W. Bush, himself a kid—an heir to a shockingly recent history of human slavery, to an AIDS epidemic and to nuclear submarines slumbering on the floors of fjords in Iceland and elsewhere, crews prepared at a moment’s notice to turn industrial quantities of men, women and children into radioactive soot and bone meal by means of rockets and H-bomb warheads. And to the choice between liberalism or conservatism and on and on.

What is radically new in 2003 is that my daughter, along with our president and Saddam Hussein and on and on, has inherited technologies whose byproducts, whether in war or peace, are rapidly destroying the whole planet as a breathable, drinkable system for supporting life of any kind. Human beings, past and present, have trashed the joint.

Based on what you’ve read and seen in the media, what is not being said in the mainstream press about President Bush’s policies and the impending war in Iraq?

That they are nonsense.

My feeling from talking to readers and friends is that many people are beginning to despair. Do you think that we’ve lost reason to hope?

I myself feel that our country, for whose Constitution I fought in a just war, might as well have been invaded by Martians and body snatchers. Sometimes I wish it had been. What has happened, though, is that it has been taken over by means of the sleaziest, low-comedy, Keystone Cops-style coup d’etat imaginable. And those now in charge of the federal government are upper-crust C-students who know no history or geography, plus not-so-closeted white supremacists, aka “Christians,” and plus, most frighteningly, psychopathic personalities, or “PPs.”

To say somebody is a PP is to make a perfectly respectable medical diagnosis, like saying he or she has appendicitis or athlete’s foot. The classic medical text on PPs is The Mask of Sanity by Dr. Hervey Cleckley. Read it! PPs are presentable, they know full well the suffering their actions may cause others, but they do not care. They cannot care because they are nuts. They have a screw loose!

And what syndrome better describes so many executives at Enron and WorldCom and on and on, who have enriched themselves while ruining their employees and investors and country, and who still feel as pure as the driven snow, no matter what anybody may say to or about them? And so many of these heartless PPs now hold big jobs in our federal government, as though they were leaders instead of sick.

What has allowed so many PPs to rise so high in corporations, and now in government, is that they are so decisive. Unlike normal people, they are never filled with doubts, for the simple reason that they cannot care what happens next. Simply can’t. Do this! Do that! Mobilize the reserves! Privatize the public schools! Attack Iraq! Cut health care! Tap everybody’s telephone! Cut taxes on the rich! Build a trillion-dollar missile shield! Fuck habeas corpus and the Sierra Club and In These Times, and kiss my ass!

How have you gotten involved in the anti-war movement? And how would you compare the movement against a war in Iraq with the anti-war movement of the Vietnam era?

When it became obvious what a dumb and cruel and spiritually and financially and militarily ruinous mistake our war in Vietnam was, every artist worth a damn in this country, every serious writer, painter, stand-up comedian, musician, actor and actress, you name it, came out against the thing. We formed what might be described as a laser beam of protest, with everybody aimed in the same direction, focused and intense. This weapon proved to have the power of a banana-cream pie three feet in diameter when dropped from a stepladder five-feet high.

And so it is with anti-war protests in the present day. Then as now, TV did not like anti-war protesters, nor any other sort of protesters, unless they rioted. Now, as then, on account of TV, the right of citizens to peaceably assemble, and petition their government for a redress of grievances, “ain’t worth a pitcher of warm spit,” as the saying goes.

As a writer and artist, have you noticed any difference between how the cultural leaders of the past and the cultural leaders of today view their responsibility to society?

Responsibility to which society? To Nazi Germany? To the Stalinist Soviet Union? What about responsibility to humanity in general? And leaders in what particular cultural activity? I guess you mean the fine arts. I hope you mean the fine arts. ... Anybody practicing the fine art of composing music, no matter how cynical or greedy or scared, still can’t help serving all humanity. Music makes practically everybody fonder of life than he or she would be without it. Even military bands, although I am a pacifist, always cheer me up.

But that is the power of ear candy. The creation of such a universal confection for the eye, by means of printed poetry or fiction or history or essays or memoirs and so on, isn’t possible. Literature is by definition opinionated. It is bound to provoke the arguments in many quarters, not excluding the hometown or even the family of the author. Any ink-on-paper author can only hope at best to seem responsible to small groups or like-minded people somewhere. He or she might as well have given an interview to the editor of a small-circulation publication.

Maybe we can talk about the responsibilities to their societies of architects and sculptors and painters another time. And I will say this: TV drama, although not yet classified as fine art, has on occasion performed marvelous services for Americans who want us to be less paranoid, to be fairer and more merciful. M.A.S.H. and Law and Order, to name only two shows, have been stunning masterpieces in that regard.

That said, do you have any ideas for a really scary reality TV show?

“C students from Yale.” It would stand your hair on end.

What targets would you consider fair game for a satirist today?

Assholes.

The article is located at this address if you want to see it in context.

Thursday, May 27, 2004

Favorite Spam 'O the Day

This is my favorite spam email I received today. I didn't open the email, obviously, but this was the comical title.

From: Leaky Girls
Subject: Girls Taking a Leak


Now if that isn't sexy, I really don't know what is.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Well-said, my friend.

Those of you who know me, know that I love no one in the world (well, ALMOST no one) more than Kurt Vonnegut. For this, I decided to let him do the talking today. Published by "In These Times", Mr. Vonnegut was asked to respond to the following question. Read, learn and enjoy. Then go out and buy all of his books.

What genuinely motivates al-Qaeda to kill and self-destruct? The president says, “They hate our freedoms—our freedom of religion, our freedom of speech, our freedom to vote and assemble and disagree with each other,” which surely is not what has been learned from the captives being held in Guantanamo, or what he is told in his briefings. Why do the communications industry and our elected politicians allow Bush to get away with such nonsense? And how can there ever be peace, and even trust in our leaders, if the American people aren’t told the truth?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
One wishes that those who have taken over our federal government, and hence the world, by means of a Mickey Mouse coup d’etat, and who have disconnected all the burglar alarms prescribed by the Constitution, which is to say the House and Senate and the Supreme Court and We the People, were truly Christian. But as William Shakespeare told us long ago, “The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.”

And what remains the best-kept secret from the Second World War, because it is so embarrassing, is that Hitler was a Christian, and that his swastika was a Christian cross made of axes, an apt symbol of a political party for Christians of the working class. And there were simpler, unambiguous crosses on all Hitler’s tanks and planes.

Again: One wishes, for the sake of the whole planet, that the people in and around the White House nowadays truly mean it when they say, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us,” and that they respect as children of God the losers, the nobodies so loved by Jesus in the Beatitudes, in His Sermon on the Mount: the poor in spirit, they that mourn, the meek, the merciful, the peace makers and so on.

But such is obviously not the case. George W. Bush smirks and gloats unmercifully as he boasts of his readiness to loose more than a hundred cruise missiles, what I call “Timothy McVeighs,” into the midst of the general population of Iraq, nearly half of whom are children, little boys and girls under the age of 15.

His domestic policies, whose viciousness is peewee in comparison with what he is so eager to do to foreigners who don’t look like him and talk like him, who don’t have names like his, nonetheless inflict pain on those Americans of the sort enumerated in the Beatitudes, by depriving them of decent health care and educations, and of food, shelter and clothing when times are bad. It seems quite possible that his opinion of the American people has been formed while watching the Jerry Springer Show, which is Republican propaganda of the most pernicious kind.

But America was certainly hated all around the world long before this coup d’etat. And we weren’t hated, as George W. Bush would have it, because of our liberty and justice for all. We are hated because our corporations have been the principal deliverers and imposers of new technologies and economic schemes that have wrecked the self-respect, the cultures of men, women and children in so many other societies.

It’s that simple.

What are we to do when confronted by such hatred? Respond to Code Red and runaround like chickens with their heads cut off.

Keep in touch,
Kurt Vonnegut


Monday, May 17, 2004

Cute Little Worker Bee!

Ryan started his new job today. I gotta tell ya, kids....when he left for work this morning, it was just about the cutest little thing I've ever seen. He had on his brand new pants and dress shirt, plus a tie. He was pretending to be all nervous, saying "Do I look alright?" but you could tell he totally knew that he looked hot. He's gonna blow away all those girls at the Department of Regulation and Licensing. I better watch out...

The switchboard operator has 3 days off this week. Today she called in sick for the morning and is coming in at about 12:30. I guess that only working 2 days out of the week was too much for her.

On Friday Ryan and I and his mom and sister are going to Minnesota to apply for our marriage license. It seems like it will be a pretty easy trip, but Ryan and I are prone to unexpected bad luck and changed in policies. Hopefully nothing will come up like that, or else we'll have to drive back to Minnesota another time for the license. We're also going to make a side trip to Thayer's to see what's shakin' there and also make a detour to Mall America. I need to get shoes and some jewelry...that's really the only thing that needs to be purchased yet in regards to the wedding. Other than that, I've managed to take care of the whole thing and I'm rather proud of myself. I've never before taken on such a big task and actually succeeded. Well, I've succeeded so far but we'll see if it actually turns out that way...like I said, we're prone to misfortune.

Other than the little cutie-bug going to work today, there isn't much new going on. I only got 3 hours of sleep last night so I'm not entirely coherent...neither of us could sleep well. Ryan was a bit anxious for the new job and I just wasn't feeling well. Bah Humbug! I'm sure I'll fall asleep at about 6:00 tonight when I come home. That sounds about right.

I wish I had some money so I could take Ryan out to dinner tonight...he deserves it. Since I don't have any money, just know that I was thinking about it. It's the thought that counts...I think.

Lunch is really boring with no one to talk to. I don't know if Ryan is going to have his own cubicle or what, so maybe he won't even have a chance to email me during the day. That's pretty boring...45 minutes is a loooooong time. Maybe he'll have the same lunch as me and we could eat TOGETHER! Wouldn't that be a hoot???

I can't wait til we have duel incomes and we're rich yuppy bastards. Just one more month!!!!

Friday, May 14, 2004

To HELL with all digital television.

Okay, so me and Ryan broke down and bought a satellite dish. It was going to be the deal of the century! This is how it all fell apart.

So we bought the dish and had it sitting at home. We got a really swell deal because it was already an open item. Ryan called Charter and told them to come the next day and cut our cable. He was going to sit home and wait for the satellite installation people to call and then we'd have our magnificent and wonderful new dish installed.

So Ryan gets the call. They say they can do it on such and such weekdays. Ryan says we both work so it would have to be a weekend. They tell him that they don't do weekend installations, so it will have to be installed through another company. Ryan calls the other company. They tell him the date that it can be installed: they say the 22nd. We'll be in Minnesota that day. Ryan says okay, in the hopes that we'll be home when they get here. They say that they'll put us as the last installation that day.

Okay, great. Ryan informs them we live in an apartment. They say they'll have to have a letter than says it's okay to have a dish. Ryan has already gotten the letter...it says we can have one as long as no permanent damage is done. So Ryan tells the installer man this, who says we'll need to drill a hole in the wall and the deck. This will not do. Ryan says he can't do that. The man says okay, but we'll have to buy flat cables for 15 dollars a piece and we'll need at least 3. We can handle that, except he NEEDS to drill into the patio. This will not do. The man says he's never heard of installing a dish in a non-destructive fashion. Ryan agrees to the destruction and hangs up.

Ryan calls me at work and says that this is WAY more trouble that it's worth. I tell him to go outside and look at other people with dishes and see what THEY have. All of the other people with dishes have ground level apartments. No good. I go online and see that there are many devices available for non-destructive satellite installation, all of which cost about 50 dollars. This will not do. We decide to return the dish and get our cable back. After all, Ryan had been told previously that Charter was doing away with their price packages and everything with pricing would be much better soon. Great.

We return the satellite dish, and that all goes fine. We return home, happy with our decision. Ryan calls Charter the next morning to tell them not to cut our cable. The woman says okay, and Ryan asks if we can get the digital cable box back. The woman says okay, but since the packages are no longer in existence it will cost us 10 dollars MORE than it did before. Ryan says leave it as it is.

We are now paying 97 dollars a month for basic cable (60 or 70 channels) and a DSL connection. That is what we payed BEFORE we decided to get rid of the expanded digital cable box we used to have which offered us 140 channels or so. We got rid of it because they jacked the price up on us 10 dollars. We are now paying the exact same price we used to pay for 140 channels for 60 fricken channels. We are not happy. We weren't happy with the prospect of holes in our wall, and we aren't happy with paying for nothing. We might just pull the cable altogether and keep just local channels and DSL.

What can you do? Charter is the only game in town.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Could it be...?

As usual, I had to man the switchboard from 11-11:45 today while the main operator went to lunch. I approached her cubicle to let her know I was there, only to notice that there was something seriously wrong with her computer.

"What's wrong with you computer!?!" I said.
"What do you mean?" she replied.
"Look at it!" I exclaimed.

On her screen, the number 2 was repeating infinitely. The screen was just full of 2's, with hundreds more being added by the second.

"What's wrong with it??" she questioned.
"I don't know....what did you do?" I replied.
"Maybe it's because I spilled a can of soda in it..." she said.
"That's probably it..." I said, stifling a smirk.

She went to lunch in a huff after attempting to find someone to get her a new keyboard. In a few minutes the woman who keeps our supplies ordered came over with a new keyboard. I told her the story and we had a good laugh. She said this was the second keyboard in the last 2 months that had to be given to the switchboard operator. Last time, she said she "didn't know what happened" even though keyboard was sopping wet. Good cover.

So that's my little funny for the day...

Yesterday we went to Best Buy and bought a DirecTv satellite dish. We decided to tell Charter Communications to shove their cable up their a-hole. For the same price, we're getting over twice as many channels. We're keeping the DSL from Charter, but that's it. Hopefully the DirecTv installation will go as planned and we won't have any trouble with it. With all the rebates we received, we didn't even have to pay for the dish. It's pretty cool. Sorry Dan Aykroyd, but even you can't save Charter Communications.

Next Friday we go to Minnesota to get the marriage license...I'm really excited to get that taken care of as well as have a nice little mini-vacation. We might stop by Thayer's too just to say "hi" and pet the kitties. That will be fun.

In conclusion, Charter sucks and keep soda away from your keyboards.

Monday, May 10, 2004

My favorite spam email to date!

I received this spam email in my bulk folder and I think it's the funniest spam email I've ever gotten. All the keywords strung in a row are far funnier than it was ever intended to be. Enjoy.

hi there Hitzchica, my name is xangels babyx and i'm 19 years old. i
recently brokeup with my b0yfriend and feeling very lonely... i would
like to conversate with a cute single man
... so if your interested hit me up

byetill this evening
x angels baby x

http://www.ITookOutTheURL.com

the south a laugh under begin abash scene quite taken a wheat joins
a faith scout a girls swear aback wings creak forgo fires cadet basis

Please mail all written request with a copy of this announcement to:

Suite #186
4-1150 N. Terminal Ave.
Nanaim0, British C0lumbia
V9S 5L6
Canada

my email is hitzchica@yahoo.com just never write me another statement
again.
http://www.ITookOutTheURL.com

simon mouse saved alley sales added dairy saber color audio cream table
hello lambs kiosk vivid witch tough excel sacre audio medic field pacts
wheel safer cause
lover float panda loads digit stuff judge trail sweep blown taken ocean
kings
every modem fully moats pants flaps stops as bench
every basic clock drink whole moody saith south china chuck.
older heart drops could mouth heart

japan wants jails fluid jihad linux might dives hauls years least golfs
chose cairn abase stuff throw crack sharp abets never a judge noble
feels march koala
alley timid upper lying man quirk safes picks those green angle saith
fluid
licks towns spent salad three chevy thing least loves
ducks girls abide crack finch whore intel grabs snack crept.
a serve child scene label sound

maine shark swift a ocean karat might start yukon level
marry saith was again eagle sails

until
clock pants.

uncle
layer coyly.

hands
woods a.



Boy, she really knew how to charm me!

The politics of crapping.

For those of you who use Blogger, I'm sure you too have noticed that they've really changed things up! I'm not sure I like it...it looks sort of like AOL or something. Everything is big and round and easy on the eyes. Makes me feel sort of stupid.

Today I have a new annoyance: the public's lack of understanding of the natural order of bathroom etiquette. Everyone knows (or should know) that when you use a public bathroom, there is a natural order to which stall, urinal, or even sink that you should use. If you are the only one in the bathroom, you technically have free reign over whichever stall you choose to use. I tend to go to the last one in the row, or sometimes the middle if I feel like spicing things up. If you are the next person to come into the bathroom, proper etiquette tells you to select the stall FURTHEST from the one in use. As of late, I've been finding that many people at my place of employment are completely unaware of this rule. They select the stall right next to me and procede with their business as usual.

I find this bothersome.

I, like many friends I know, cannot go to the bathroom with someone else sitting 2-1/2 feet away from me. I freeze up and have to wait for them to leave the bathroom before I may go about my business. If you weren't already aware of this bathroom rule, please start putting it into use. I will appreciate it, and so will many others.

I experience something rather unheard of to me today in the bathroom. I emerged from my stall in order to wash my hands at the sink. I selected the sink closest to the paper towels for convenience purposes. Another girl was also emerging from her stall(she did, by the way, follow the stall rule) and headed towards the sinks. I got to my sink before she did, but it was clear that she had her eye on my sink. I looked her right in the face, and she looked back at me with a rather dejected face. Rather than selecting another sink, she just turned around and left the bathroom.

Now, whether you normally wash your hands or not, you should always wash your hands if there is someone else in the bathroom. Who wants to be known as 'that disgusting person who never washes their hands'? Luckily for her, I didn't know who she was and I'm not good with faces. I wouldn't recognize her again if I saw her. That still does not change the fact that she looked right at me, knowing full well that I would be aware of her lack of hygiene.

People around here are WEIRD.

Please think about these rules each and every time you enter a public bathroom. If you can't abide by them, please consider just holding it until you get home. Thank you.

Thursday, May 06, 2004

Oatmeal again?

Today I have eaten oatmeal for breakfast and lunch. Why? Because I don't have money to buy food. We're out of oatmeal now. I wonder what I'll eat tomorrow?

I manned the switchboard at lunch. My co-worker's 45 minute lunch was an hour today. Not because she asked for a long lunch and not because she got stuck in traffic...you know, she just does that. She'll get paid for those 15 minutes.

Ever eat yogurt with a fork? It's not easy.

Highlight of today: message in my bulk e-mail folder from "Incredible Insertion" boasting the subject line "Girls stuffed to capacity." Do you realize that some people are turned on by that?

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Buh.

Today I have to man the switchboard ALL DAY (with the exception of the last hour of the workday) because the coworker from the last post is on a vacation day. Normally I eat lunch at 11:45 which is a good time for me because it doesn't give my blood sugar time to act up. Today my lunch was pushed back to 12:30. Another coworker was supposed to relieve me at 12:30 so that I could go to lunch. Well, It's 12:45 right now and the coworker just relieved me 5 minutes ago. After 12:30 came and went and I realized no one was coming, I went to the coworker and asked if she knew she was supposed to be on the switchboard. "No", she replied. I said, "Oh, well you are." and that was the end of that. My supervisor sent an email YESTERDAY outlining who was to be where and when, so this worker had no excuse. I have come to find that most people are very incompetent.

At 4:30 I have to man the front desk. I've done this on about 4 separate occasions now, despite the fact that I've never actually been trained to do the front desk. Someone forgot about that minor detail. That's okay though...no one really comes in during that last hour.

Macromedia is starting to anger me. I hate that I can't check my email without having a Macromedia window pop up and ask me if I want to download its product. I angrily click "NO" every time and always mutter to myself "NO, the same as last time, I will NEVER download your product.". It makes no sense. I said no last time, and I will say no this time. Why would I download their player so that I could have an annoying ad dance around? It's not going to happen. It makes no sense. Not to mention, I will (and HAVE already gotten) get yelled at if I download anything on the county computer. They really take all the fun out of slacking off.

So that's what's bothering me today. Hope your days are better!

Monday, May 03, 2004

Fat and Lazy People Make Me Mad

I am tired of fat people. I am tired of lazy people. Before you jump in, please note that I'm already aware that I qualify for at least one (maybe two) of these qualities.

I work 8 hours everyday. I get paid to work 8 hours everyday. Therefore, since I get paid a fair amount of money, I feel that I should spend the time I'm getting paid for doing something productive. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for many of my co-workers. Sitting on your ass and talking for an hour to another employee may seem like a good time, and it is. Here's the thing, though: who does your work for the hour that you sat on your ass? ME! That's right: ME! I am a new employee, but I sure don't feel like it sometimes. People who have been here for 10 years ask me questions. Something is definitely wrong.

One of my co-workers comes back from lunch and breaks at least 5 minutes late everyday. That would be fine, except who do you think loses 5-10 minutes of their lunch because of that? ME! I do, because I'm waiting at that person's post for them to come back. I'm not bitter, but somehow I don't feel it's fair that I should lose my own time because someone else has to stop and talk in the lobby when they're supposed to be back on duty. Tell your supervisor, you might say! Believe me, she already knows. No one wants to "tattle" on this worker, because no one wants animosity at work.

This worker weighs at least 275 pounds. I'm not joking. Every time I see her, she's eating. "I'm sick" she tells me every day. "I don't think I can eat my sandwich, I don't feel good." Well you're damn right you shouldn't feel good! You ate a can of Chunky soup, a bag of chips with dip, and a yogurt and it isn't even noon yet! What the hell? This, of course, is followed with "I need to watch what I eat. I'm getting fat." What can you say to this comment? Nothing. You can't say "You're not fat" because that's not true. You can't say, "Oh, maybe you should" because that's rude. Instead, you just grin like a fool. No one comes out well in this situation.

When the worker finally decides to come back to her post and let me go to lunch, I am relieved and angry. Mostly just angry. I go to the lunch room, and heat up my lunch. I walk back to my desk, and see in passing that the worker is not at her post...she has left to go to the bathroom or chat with a co-worker. She mans the switchboard. Five lines of angry customers are ringing endlessly. They will not get answered. They will complain. Nothing will be done about it. The worker will eventually be moved to another duty in the future, in hopes that this will improve her performance. She has been moved to different duties in hopes to perform her performance for 15 years.

I am glad that I work hard...I would feel guilty if I acted the way that this worker does and a few others I've come to know. Maybe someday I will be rewarded for this work ethic with a supervisory position, where I can tell lazy workers to get their act in order.

Yeah right.

Saturday, May 01, 2004

More Proof That Blogs Are Gay

The other day I decided I'd spice things up a bit and give myself a new Blog Template. Little did I know that in doing so, I would lose all of my links, my comments, my counter, and any other little bits of HTML I'd changed. For the last few days, I've been trying to regain what little ground I had established with this blog, so here is the new and "improved" Celia-Blog. Enjoy, alright? Thank you.

Thursday, April 29, 2004

To be exact, this is what my computer blocker had to say about the Century 21 page.

"You have been blocked from accessing this site per Dane County Policy. This site has been classified as Hate Speech."

Can someone please go to this page and tell me if this is still the Century 21 page? I just want to be sure.

Yesterday at my place of employment we had a fire drill...at least we thought it was a drill, until someone realized it hadn't been planned. Within 5 minutes of us evacuating the building, the fire trucks showed up along with police cars. A man jumped from the fire truck wearing full fireman garb and carrying an ax. He ran towards the all-glass doors, pulling intending to smash them in. The closer he got to the doors, the more he realized that there wasn't a fire. Apparently, we have faulty wiring here that sometimes sets off the fire alarms. I'm sure he knew that, but you just have to play it safe.

Upon hearing snippets of many conversations outside, all of which contained the phrase "Burn baby burn" I realized that many lives would be ruined if the building turned to rubble; however, not a single one of those lives would be that of an employee.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

During lunches, I used to play Pool on Pogo with Ryan. We used to have a good time. It gave us an opportunity to chat and play pool, while I ate my sad lunch-meal in my cubicle pretending not to be alone. It was good times then.

Those times are over, my friends. I feel like I'm in high-school again. I went to join Ryan for our daily pogo-pool fest, only to be greeted by the words "Surf Stopper. Access blocked." Remember that lovely Bess the Dog joke we used to have guarding our prescious internet in high school? Well the thing we have here at my workplace is even worse than Bess' replacement, X-Stop. Back in the day, we would surf to sites that were "blocked" by using an anonymizer like "Silent Surf" or "Anonymizer". Guess what? Those sites wised up and no longer offer their services for free. You have to PAY. HA! Yeah right. Not bloody likely!

To make matters worse, I often search the Century 21 page to see what homes are for sale. I was greeted by the lovely "Surf Stopper" telling me that this page has been blocked because it has been determined as a Hate Page. Now people...I realize that real estate agents are not necessarily the most well-liked people in the world, but www.21.com is NOT a hate page. Unless it has been ransacked and taken over by hackers, it is merely an MLS directory. Now I've really seen it all.

You might think you've grown up, but you haven't. No matter what you do or where you go, Bess the Dog will always be nipping at your heels.

STAY HOME!!

Thursday, April 22, 2004

I wish I had more time to write on this. It gets kind of sad when you're older and you realize that you no longer have time to write, or draw, or whatever you like to do in your case. Most of your day is spent wasted making money so that you can enjoy the very small amount of free time left. It seems pretty bunk, if you ask me. You didn't, but that's okay.

As a result of this stunning revelation, I'm concluded that we ought to reform the time system that we have implemented. I realize that our system is based on rotations and revolutions of various heavenly bodies, the earth's axis, and yada yada yada. I, for one, don't care. I think that we need to scrap the current system and move to a 30 hour day. The current system offers us approximately 365 days a year for which to enjoy the 24 hours nestled within that day. I attempted to do the math on this in order to figure out what affect my system would have on the length of the year, but I soon realized that I can't even add let alone do an equation of some sort. If you're smart enough to figure it out, help me, would ya?

I don't care if under my system I only live to be about 60 years old. (That is a relative number to our current system.) I will have 6 extra hours to do as I wish....Of course, I will waste my 8 hours working. I will continue to do that, but be greeted with 6 extra hours of play, sleep, or whatever the case might be. I realize that some days will begin during the evening. Some will begin at dawn. Some will begin at midnight. Some will begin in mid-afternoon. Who cares? Variety is the spice of life, or so I've been told. Imagine how much more exciting things would be if every day brought new scenery and new expectations!

In conclusion, life is a bunch of crap. You waste most of it doing things you don't want to do in order to make the few hours you can call your own comfortable.

In this country, you can't even be a hobo or a person of the land....you're always trespassing.

That's right. It's funny.

Friday, March 19, 2004

Ladies and gentlemen, taxpayer's of Wisconsin: I no longer care if you keep copies of your past tax returns. As it turns out, I no longer work at the Wisconsin Department of Revenue. Coincidently, you can do whatever you want with your returns. Burn them, flog them, put them up your butt...I don't care.

Back to the task at hand...I haven't posted in a long long time. The reason I never post, as previously stated, is that I believe blogs are gay. They're queer as folk. Queer as a 2 dollar bill. Gay as a picnic between Ellen DeGeneres and Melissa Etheridge. Either way, that's not the point. The point is, that I now work for the Dane County Department of Human Services and I have a 45 minute lunch. Do you know how long it takes to eat a lunch? Exactly 3.66 minutes. Time it sometime: you'll be impressed at the accuracy of the statistic. After you've consumed your lunch in 3.66 minutes, that offers you a large chunk of time that is without purpose. So the problem at hand is, what can one do for the remainder of said lunch period? BLOG POST! So here you go. Live with it. I might be a hypocrite but, hey, at least I'm aware of it.

As previously stated, I work at the Dane County Department of Human Services, located at the Dane County Job Center. I am a Clerk Typist and started the position on Monday March 15. This week has been long....very very long. There's something about the concept of training that allows it to have a illogical power to stretch minutes far far beyond their 60 second capacities. If I didn't know better, I would believe that I've been in my first week of training for a little over a year now. 13 months, 4 days, and 6.89 minutes to be exact. However, I realize that it merely seems that way. Bottom line: training is lousy. It makes you feel like a tool; a complete and total tool. I swear that I have never felt so dumb in my entire life as the few times I have begun new jobs. It makes me irritable, full of loathing, and incredibly depressed. Ryan can attest to the fact that when I started my previous job at DOR, he almost had to hide all the cleaners and disposable razors. I think I'm handling myself better this time, but it's all relative. I am still cranky, I am still negative, and I still don't know what the hell I'm doing.

What do I do here? I really don't know. I schedule review meetings for people on state benefits programs, I enter mail-in applications, I work the front desk, and I sit a whole lot. My supervisor told me not to worry about how everything fits into my job description, just to sit back and let it all sink in. I'm sorry, but that's not one of the brightest things I've ever heard. What do you mean, "just let it all sink in"? How can you let something sink in if you don't even know what relevance it has to you? Once again, Ryan can attest to the fact that I don't listen to things if they don't apply to me. TV Commericals=non-existent. Celebrities=who?. Trivial items and factoids=buh?. My brain is only so big. There's only so much room for information. This is where Ryan and I differ. See, I push out all the stuff that doesn't matter. I throw it in a big heap and take it to the trash. Ryan puts it all in a neat little mental folder and stores it in the cabinet for later use. However, his cabinet is nearing its capacity and therefore is incapable of retaining minutia, i.e. things I just said to him 3 seconds ago. Who's right and who's wrong? I don't know. All I know is that when he tells me something, I remember. He's getting better though...I think. Maybe his listening skills are just getting better. Either way, it's a big improvement.

Today's afternoon training consists of Policy Overviews for Medicaid, Food Stamps, Child Care, Wisconsin Works (w-2), and a few other subsidary programs. I will learn their policies, I will memorize their policies, and I will promptly forget their policies. I'm sorry, but that is the custom of Celia's brain and you just can't mess with customs. Try getting into Canada once, and you'll know what I'm talking about. Those crazy Canadians. Who are they to tell me that I can't enter Canada with an uninventoried semi-truck full of cigarettes and other illegal contraband? Pssht...thinking I'm going to SELL that stuff. Maybe if they'd think about it for more than 2 minutes they'd realize I just really have a problem.

So anyway, in conclusion...I have a new job. I am unfamiliar with my duties and often feel lost. Sometimes I end up in co-worker's cubicles and leave feeling very blustered. It's hell to start a new job, but you know what? I can pay my bills.